Sunday, November 22, 2009

Hyenas


The hyena is like that "woman" at the bar with an Adam's Apple, who asks you to call her Steve and does things to you in the bathroom that you'll never speak of to anyone ever again.
An alpha female in the hyena world passes on a super dose of hormones to its young that makes them extra aggressive, which increases their chances of survival. The downside is that all these extra hormones make mom awfully manish and since hyenas can't have man hands, they get the next best thing: a giant clitoris. A giant, 7-inch clitoris that just sticks out making people on safari feel shamed and emasculated.
Weird as that is, the further downside for the hyena here is that the birth canal is inside that giant clitoris, so in effect, the female has to give birth through a penis. This also means the male has to make sweet, awkward, hit-and-miss love to one, which can apparently take months of practice until he can line everything up right. Once the magical moment happens, she pushes him off and puts a cigarette out on his thigh.


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